I recently had a conversation about the way Americans and Bulgarians perceive family names and what impact they have on our life choices.
My American interlocutor said that he was once offended when someone tried to learn more about him by asking “What does your father do?” Instead, he though, they should’ve asked “What do you do?” Why should my father be a benchmark for me, he said.
I disagree. To me, my father and my family are a source of pride. I am honored when I am connected or compared to my father because to me this means that I have lived up to a great expectation.
But I don’t know if I’m thinking in such a way because I’m Bulgarian or because I’m me.
Maybe it’s because I’m Bulgarian: In the States, you middle name is randomly chosen, just as your first name. But in Bulgaria, my middle name is the first name of my father. We always carry our name first, then the name of our fathers, then the name of our family kin.
I can’t escape thinking that this concrete bondage creates a feeling of duty. My interlocutor agreed and said that Americans whose name ends in “Junior” usually belong to a rich and old elite where succession of businesses or careers is also typical (such families are the Bushes, the Kennedys)
But then, maybe it’s because I’m me: Speaking of family names, maybe my particular family name matters even more than the Bulgarian naming tradition. I know that my last name is unique; really, it’s very uncommon and you couldn’t even pronounce it. We are an old and large family, and I know that anybody who carries this last name is my relative.
Because our name makes our kin so distinctive, I feel that whatever I do, I have a last name to live up to. Otherwise, my failures will be traced back to my family and might hurt its reputation.
I wonder, if I had a more common name, if I were called Brown or Smith or Ivanova or Petrova, would I still have such strong emotions for my name? You tell me.
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March 6, 2010 at 7:22 am
Nikola
The issue is interesting. For some people their family ties respectively family names are indeed very important, for others – not worth a dime.
Most probably in a smaller community – a small national state, country-side town, or a village where everyone knows everybody, especially when the family name is a unique one and well known, the interdependence between a person and his family name are really important. The curse of a disgraced family or the pride of being a member of a powerful and honorable kin does make difference.
In a large country, amidst people from all races, diverse ethnic and religious background, any name unless that of a celebrity will be not important and no one will relate a person to a name from the news of yesterday. In fact many people who move to a country like US prefer to accept the identity of their new place and loosen bonds from the pages they have closed.
Your way of analyzing the issue from two aspects – ethno-cultural and purely personal is probably the best one. In any nation, environment and society some people care about who they are and what they will leave after them, while others do not care at all whom they hurt -the nature, their community, family, or even themselves. The value in a name does not come from its uniqueness, or the frequency one can meet it. The value of a name comes from the person who has it and from the things this person has done, or not done. Any name is as good as the person who has it.
The responsibility of a person to the other members of society, including his family and to the family name is a different aspect of all the above. For me it is important, for others – probably not.
March 10, 2010 at 4:33 am
Vladi
There are many Americans that are proud of their name and their heritage, as there are many that are not. And the same thing could certainly be said for Bulgarians. Just because you friend does not wish to talk about his family’s history does not necessarily mean that he is not proud of it. It simply means that he doesn’t want to be judged based on it. He doesn’t want people to form an opinion of him, or maybe even set expectations about what he should do with his life. Instead, he wants to take pride in his own accomplishments, and tell people about what HE has achieved and not what his family has achieved. And that’s why Americans are somewhat secretive about they families, and they rarely show interest in other’s…and that’s why you can never tell if your best friend is actually the son of an oil tycoon or the grandson of the founder of Walmart, for example.